I know this isn’t on topic, but I needed to share my feelings somewhere more anonymous than Facebook but more open than a personal diary.
I’m having trouble with watching TV or being online today. Everywhere I look people are discussing him. I can’t help but turn it off because it makes me so sad. As someone who deals with Depression, this makes the light at the end of the tunnel close up a bit more. All I keep thinking is that if someone like him(who has access to the doctors and treatments and all that good help) can lose to Depression, how can I do it? How am I supposed to succeed and push through the Depression when someone like him cannot?
Depression seems like a losing battle most of the time. The heaviness on my heart and chest today seems heavier than usual. This news breaks my heart for so many reasons. I don’t know how to get better from this, and I am finding it hard to get away from it.
My depression does not usually have me thinking suicidal thoughts, but today I seem to be more understanding of how some might think it’s a good idea.
As with any tragedy, I hope we as a society can learn from it, but I honestly cannot envision a world where I can openly discuss my illness without being treated differently afterwards, like my friends will be walking on eggshells around me. I’m scared for myself and other sufferers of Depression because this feels like such a major loss for every one of us.
I hope everyone seeks help for their illness, but even if you don’t seek help, try talking to someone about it. Something as dumb as connecting with other depressed people on the Internet can help even if you don’t think it will, but knowing that someone else is feeling just as bad can actually be cathartic. No one can know someone else’s pain, but I do know what it’s like to be depressed because I am.